He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
