i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
