And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Oh god it's open bar.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
