It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
