I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
