On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
