I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
