I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
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He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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