Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i wish my penis had a tongue
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
