he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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