i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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