I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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