Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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