they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
