dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
