i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
