Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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