I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
