:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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