All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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