Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
