My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
