I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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