I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
