god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
