You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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