I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
that's an acceptable place to lick
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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