I think I died a long time ago.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
well you can't waste a boner
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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