Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
