then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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