Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
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You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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