Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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