At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
