ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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