Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
