I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
