Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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