i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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