So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
