i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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