thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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