Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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