nut hugger
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
