Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
