God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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