what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
How does it feel to date your dad?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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