I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
