my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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