Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
