to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
