I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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