That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
