is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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