wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
