But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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