Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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