i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
In America we eat man semen.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
