just come out here and I will go home with you...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
