I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
