My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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