Umm I'm too high to move.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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