He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
