wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
