Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
