Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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