Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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