Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
