Pappa wants mamma naked
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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