So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
