Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
