I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize