just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
