We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
